Sunday, February 26, 2012

If I Only Had a Dream...wait. This is HUGE!

Last time on ...Still Got It...

Ha! Yeah right.
I may be the only one in this boat, but I hate it when TV shows do that. Who honestly wants to sit there for anywhere from 5-15 minutes just to see all the highlights from past episodes which they've already seen? Even if someone's coming into the show fresh, those recaps are wretched wastes of time, because they just end up spoiling what are otherwise amazing moments from episodes past!
Well no sir, not here. No stupid nonsensical blurbs about what you missed! If you want to know what you've missed, then damn it! Just go back and read it for yourself. You'll be glad you did!

Now before we get this puppy off to its long-awaited start, an apology. Becca brought to my attention that whilst reading episode one to [the apparently illiterate] Vance, he adamantly denied that he was cynical of my proposed virginity in any way. Vance, I believe what I meant to say was "skeptical," but as I think about it, you were completely bought into my claim from the start, and I appreciate it. So that being said, Vance, I apologize for implying that you were cynical or the revised skeptic, and I hope not only that you will forgive me, but also that you will take the time to read this and future episodes yourself instead of forcing your dear, sweet Rebecca to do it for you. Come man... this isn't the 60s anymore!

Alright. and we're off!

When I first brought to light the fact of my virginity, I'm sure many questions came to mind not the least of which was, "Well would you consider dating a non-virgin?" If that question didn't come to mind, though, I can't say that I blame you. After all, we virgins are such a rare breed that it almost has to be assumed that meeting others like me is near to impossible. In a word: true. And that should answer your question.

Not long ago (in fact, almost a year ago to the day), my answer would have been different, but back then I was still following the Christian way and hoping - even praying - for that one special girl who was 1) Christian, 2) attractive (even if just to me), 3) not a complete stick-in-the-mud, and 4) a virgin. I really didn't believe that to be a completely ridiculous list of requests, but as time went on I learned that my list of requirements was entirely too long based solely on #4. Christian and attractive: not difficult at all. Christian, attractive, and "not-stick-in-mud:" okay, you cut your numbers by around 50%, but still doable. Christian, attractive, and virgin, though (forget about sticks in mud), and you're looking at roughly one girl per American state (and chances are she's already engaged or at least spoken for).

Some of you may disagree with these statistics, but bear in mind that these aren't really statistics at all. I'm making it all up based on my personal experience and taste in the lady-folk. I'm sure more of you exist out there than I know about [and I would encourage you to leave your name and phone number in the comment section of this post], but for now I'm just going to continue with my post.

I tried the holy road, and it proved to be incredibly dull, so no, virginity is not a requirement of mine any longer. Furthermore, I believe wholeheartedly that were I to confine my search based on that requirement, there's a solid chance that I'd never find the girl I'm hoping for, and to that I say "boo!" Now if the girl I'm meant to love for life turns out to be a virgin, as well, mark my words I will run barefoot around the entire island of Maui for sheer elation, but if she's not, I will still do the same just because love transcends all the garbage.

"So then, Samuel, if she doesn't have to be a virgin, what exactly are you looking for?" The simplest list is comprised of two non-negotiables: 1) attractive [again, even if it's just to me] and 2) honest. You'd be surprised how difficult it is just to find those two items in one person, but that's it. And when I say 'attractive' please understand that I am by no means looking for a supermodel or society's accepted version of physical beauty, but I do need to be attracted to the woman to be my future wife. After all, no fiber in my being wants sex to be some kind of painful chore, and I don't think she'd want that either. Honesty is a bit more difficult, too, but it simply means that when she says something, her actions demonstrate her words regardless of whether or not someone's watching. Integrity is honesty in action if you ask me, and an honest person will speak the truth even if it hurts, because they love you and don't want to hurt you. Think about it...

One last thing, and this goes out to several people I know just as much as all the strangers out there who I hope to meet someday: as I talk about my virginity, I hope you're not getting the impression that I'm somehow better than everyone else. That's not what I'm saying at all, and I say this realizing full-well that many people don't consider themselves virgins anymore, because it was "stolen" or taken by force. Forgive me for being blunt here, but fuck that. Virginity is yours and yours alone, and it's so much more than "the first time," and you all need to know that. It's your choice who you give your virginity to; it's not something that's lost or taken. It's a connection that you establish with another person, and that connection lasts a lifetime regardless of how great or awful or mind-blowing or awkward the sex part of it was.

And I'm done preaching.

So yeah.
That's it guys.
That's all I'm looking for.
Probably doesn't seem like much, but that's really all there is to it.
So if you see that honest, dark-haired, bright-eyed, unequivocally charming, well-proportioned, spontaneous, romantic while not completely sappy, loyal, intelligent, fun-loving, SINGLE girl out there, point her in my direction!
Kidding... but seriously, if you see her...

Next Week on ..Still Got It: MAUI! Need I say more? Plus, I'll introduce the newest part of my blog wherein I challenge you, my faithful followers, on a weekly basis to some crazy task. Rewards will follow...

Episode 1 Poll Results:
2 Votes - True Love Mentality
1 Vote- The Unknown Factor
3 Votes - Other
In comments, let's hear what everyone guesses "The Unknown Factor" is! OnetwothreeGO!

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Challenge... the first is always longest...

Most of us have seen 40-Year Old Virgin, right? A horribly awkward movie about a man who forgot to grow up, take care of himself, pursue his dreams, and lose his virginity as the result. Funny movie, gross movie, uncomfortable movie, but when you think about it, it's a movie that teaches us three things:

1- If you lose track of your life - both private and social - and the role you play in it, ending up like "Andy" really isn't that difficult.

2- If you are a 40 year old virgin in today's society, it's most likely because you elected that lifestyle, or it's because... how to put this nicely... something else is preventing you from losing it.

3- Let's face it: 40-year-old virgins just don't exist out there these days outside of #1 and #2.

I'm sure I'll get some junk mail from all kinds of people saying, "Yes they do! Here I am!" but then again, if they do exist, maybe it's a good thing that they're bold enough to come right out and say it. Either way, though, that's not my point. This is: about a month ago I went to a party.

I honestly don't remember how we got on the subject, but at said party I was talking with my then co-worker, Becca, and her long-time boyfriend, Vance (HA! Remembered his name!). I think I was telling them about how work had gone that day since that's what co-workers do at a work-funded holiday party, and somehow it came up that I'm still a virgin. "How can you rant and rave about 40-year-old virgins when you are a virgin yourself?" you might be asking yourself. Well for starters, I'm not nearly 40 - I'm 26 - and this is my point: I wager that in today society, 26-year-old virgins are every bit as rare as their 40-year-old counterparts.

Well Becca was already aware of this little fact - a fact which stopped her dead in her tracks, mind you, when she first learned of it - but Vance, on the other hand, was a cornucopia of shock, awe, intrigue, and cynicism. He simply couldn't wrap his head around the idea of it, and honestly it was very flattering.

I'm not bragging here, but here's the breakdown: Vance, Becca, and I determined that I'm not by any means an ugly young man - in fact quite the opposite; I am not socially inept in any form of the word; though strongly opinionated and passionate about those beliefs, said beliefs are not so outlandish that they cannot be easily met; and finally we concluded that our society has de-evolved to the point where if I walked around on the side of the road with a sign draped over my shoulders saying, 'I am a virgin,' a wandering limo filled with drunk co-eds would no-doubt stop within an hour to de-flower me simply because virginity is a highly-prized possession (whether it's more highly prized by the virgin or the one de-flowerer is a debate we couldn't agree upon).

The truth of the matter is I'm a virgin by choice. It used to be a religious thing - I won't lie to you - but I've long-since given up on religious zealotry, and now I just believe that so few things are personal and intimate between a man and his wife. If you're going to share one thing with your spouse that belongs solely to you and her, why wouldn't you want that to be sex? So yes, I am waiting until marriage, and yes, that means she must have a ring on her finger, and "I do" must have been said in front of witnesses. Just wanted to clarify.

And now that you've diligently sat through - nay, endured - the back story, we come to the purpose of this blog: THE CHALLENGE. Austin, TX is a beautiful city filled to the brim with beautiful women both young and old. Who could argue that point? I've recently accepted a position in an even more beautiful area, though. Some (myself included) might call it the most beautiful place on earth. That's right, I'm moving to Maui. As in Hawaii. As in the favorite vacation spot for most of the world's beach-bound bunnies and bastards. No one says, "I'm going to Hawaii," and doesn't hear from almost everyone, "I'm jealous." I heard it close to 40 times yesterday alone.

But I digress. Being the beautiful place it is, and being that this beautiful place is overflowing with beautiful women both young and old, Becca didn't seem to think I and my unwavering resolve would last a day let alone a week, and back at the work party, Vance encouraged me to start a blog chronicling my daring adventures in the virgin realm. Thus a blog with purpose was born. Aww...

So from this point on, I will do exactly that: I will chronicle my many adventures in the Hawaiian paradise. I will have stories to tell, pictures to post, God help me I will have video to stream, and since Hawaii is where I plan to be for a very long time, hopefully I will find that amazing woman who will live up to those not-so-high standards, and maybe she'll have a few things to say herself! Guess we'll see.

But my dearest Becca and oh-so-adorable Vance, I have but one thing to say to you both, and I believe Barney Stinson said it best: Challenge Accepted.

In Next Week's Episode: I'll detail those seemingly impossible high standards I have in my future spouse, and then I'll flush them all down the drain.