A short post this week.
Very short.
I got this apartment through a guy named Glenn. He's the guy who lived in the room next door, and he was the leaseholder on the house - the only one who dealt with the landlords.
Glenn passed away a few days ago. He had sorosis of the liver, and he was told that another trip to the hospital would be his last, but he just kept drinking, because it's what he loved to do. It was his end, but at least he went out happy.
Anyway, the very next day, the landlords in all of their distaste, kicked the rest of us out of the house claiming, "Since Glenn, the leaseholder is dead, we have no lease with him anymore, and since we had no contracts with the rest of you, we want you out. Their idea of being kind is giving us all two weeks to find a place.
I'm not impressed by their tact, behavior, and general disposition when it comes to everyone in this house.
Regardless, we're all out of a place to stay, and that's where my focus is right now.
I had every intention of posting a video blog this week wherein I showed everyone my house, my route to work, my backyard and garden... doesn't seem worth it now.
So that's it.
We're looking for a place to house all of us, because we'd like to stay together, and we have a solid lead on a place up the mountain, but at the same time, they do deposits on electricity accounts here (which is weird), and they can be incredibly steep, so we'll have to see what happens. Individually I've got a lead on a kickass little place which is literally right on the beach, but I told them my priority is finding a place for everyone in the house first.
I don't believe in prayer, but if you do, and you'd like to throw one or two up, we wouldn't complain.
I'll post again once I've figured out what I'm doing.
Mahalo.
Rest in peace, Glenn.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Chances and Gardens: What incredible growth!
Anyone picked up on my theme yet? ;)
Well folks a solid week has passed, and alas, the count falls short at 11, and for this reason I am sad.
Sad? Really? Dramatic much? I'm sad, because I know for a fact that former co-workers Stu, Vanessa, and Kim and my cousin Stephanie all read my blog. Voila! 15! Not to mention the long-lost Vance who was one of the people who so strongly supported - nay, proposed! - the blog idea in the first place.
Oh well. Guess the videos will have to wait.
This week I'm going to preach a little bit. It's an episode that goes out to all you ladies out there who can't seem to figure out why they can't find a nice guy in the world. I'm not gonna lie: I know how to preach, but I'm not so great at stopping. You have my word, though: I will keep this as brief as I can.
Ladies.
Honestly.
What's the deal?
I hear over and over again one of two things:
1- All the guys I meet are assholes.
or...
2- It's so hard to find a good guy these days!
Line two is usually followed shortly thereafter by comments like, "Most of them are either taken already or outside my age limits." I'm not going to argue that point - I'll simply amend it: Many of them are taken and many others are outside your age limits. Most? No. Difficult to find? I suppose that depends on where you're looking and how open your eyes are.
Listen up opposite gender: we aren't that few and far between. In fact, I would wager that nice guys outnumber jackasses five to one in any given part of the world. We're respectful, polite, gentlemanly (key portion of that word being "...manly"), and some of us even know how to cook. Granted many of them probably won't be virgins like me, but I don't think that's something you should hold against them.
"So Samuel," [the collective female] you inquire, "if there really are nice guys out there, why can't I find any?"
I'm probably going to come across as an ass here, myself, but it must be said: ladies, it's your fault.
Now before you go tearing out my throat and spitting down the hole, please hear me out.
This past week while I was busy waiting for the number of followers to increase, I conducted a survey amongst women of dating age. My survey was comprised of one question and one question only, and any conversation held outside of that question was directed by the girl.
I asked women, "Have you ever been on a date with someone who you didn't think was worth your time or energy or maybe someone you weren't initially attracted to?" I may be a little biased here, but I think that's a very fair question, and it's yes or no, so answers came quickly and usually without hesitation. I didn't start asking this question until Thursday, so my sampling was limited, but of 25 women (youngest being 19 and eldest being 63), surprisingly each and every one of them answered, "Yes..."
Wait for it...
I would have no point if that's where the story ended... obviously.
In every circumstance, after the girl answered the question I said absolutely nothing in return. I simply allowed the silence to continue until she broke it. The girls could've talked about the weather, about fish (since many were asked while I was working), about Maui, about anything, but nope. 19 out of 25 women continued their answer with something along the lines of, "I did it, because I was being nice" to which my gut instinctively responds, "Oh... were you now?"
Read that statement two or three times and tell me how it's not dripping with conceit and judgement. You were being nice to the guy you didn't want to go out with in the first place even though you really didn't have a reason for not going out with him? You just didn't think he'd be worth it? How is that nice in any skewed version of the word? After the said 19 women continued their statement, I usually asked something like, "Did he know you were just being nice?" to which the response was always "no." And now we come to the heart of it: after that I asked each of those 19 women if they noticed anything different about their pity date and the dates they usually go on wherein they wanted to be with the guy. Results?
2 Couldn't remember the date at all (drunk)
2 Couldn't recall any differences
1 Never saw the guy again, because he figured it out halfway in
14 Enjoyed themselves more than they typically do
=19 Total
I suppose it's worth mentioning, too, that of those 14, five actually ended up marrying the guy whom they didn't believe would be worth their time. That being said, ladies, I know it's not the most fun in the world just waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep you off your feet, but you need to understand that loads of nice guys are alive and well out there, and - speaking from personal experience here - a good chunk of them are terrified to ask you out, because we know you don't think we're worth your time. All I'm saying is that wait might not be so long and difficult if you get out of your own way first. Try something new.
That being said, LOOK AT MY GARDEN!!
Left: This is one of at least 3 hibiscus I'm nurturing back to health after being nearly destroyed.
Right: A beautiful aloe plant that was butchered by the landlord. I'm also working on nurturing it back to health.
Well folks a solid week has passed, and alas, the count falls short at 11, and for this reason I am sad.
Sad? Really? Dramatic much? I'm sad, because I know for a fact that former co-workers Stu, Vanessa, and Kim and my cousin Stephanie all read my blog. Voila! 15! Not to mention the long-lost Vance who was one of the people who so strongly supported - nay, proposed! - the blog idea in the first place.
Oh well. Guess the videos will have to wait.
This week I'm going to preach a little bit. It's an episode that goes out to all you ladies out there who can't seem to figure out why they can't find a nice guy in the world. I'm not gonna lie: I know how to preach, but I'm not so great at stopping. You have my word, though: I will keep this as brief as I can.
Ladies.
Honestly.
What's the deal?
I hear over and over again one of two things:
1- All the guys I meet are assholes.
or...
2- It's so hard to find a good guy these days!
Line two is usually followed shortly thereafter by comments like, "Most of them are either taken already or outside my age limits." I'm not going to argue that point - I'll simply amend it: Many of them are taken and many others are outside your age limits. Most? No. Difficult to find? I suppose that depends on where you're looking and how open your eyes are.
Listen up opposite gender: we aren't that few and far between. In fact, I would wager that nice guys outnumber jackasses five to one in any given part of the world. We're respectful, polite, gentlemanly (key portion of that word being "...manly"), and some of us even know how to cook. Granted many of them probably won't be virgins like me, but I don't think that's something you should hold against them.
"So Samuel," [the collective female] you inquire, "if there really are nice guys out there, why can't I find any?"
I'm probably going to come across as an ass here, myself, but it must be said: ladies, it's your fault.
Now before you go tearing out my throat and spitting down the hole, please hear me out.
This past week while I was busy waiting for the number of followers to increase, I conducted a survey amongst women of dating age. My survey was comprised of one question and one question only, and any conversation held outside of that question was directed by the girl.
I asked women, "Have you ever been on a date with someone who you didn't think was worth your time or energy or maybe someone you weren't initially attracted to?" I may be a little biased here, but I think that's a very fair question, and it's yes or no, so answers came quickly and usually without hesitation. I didn't start asking this question until Thursday, so my sampling was limited, but of 25 women (youngest being 19 and eldest being 63), surprisingly each and every one of them answered, "Yes..."
Wait for it...
I would have no point if that's where the story ended... obviously.
In every circumstance, after the girl answered the question I said absolutely nothing in return. I simply allowed the silence to continue until she broke it. The girls could've talked about the weather, about fish (since many were asked while I was working), about Maui, about anything, but nope. 19 out of 25 women continued their answer with something along the lines of, "I did it, because I was being nice" to which my gut instinctively responds, "Oh... were you now?"
Read that statement two or three times and tell me how it's not dripping with conceit and judgement. You were being nice to the guy you didn't want to go out with in the first place even though you really didn't have a reason for not going out with him? You just didn't think he'd be worth it? How is that nice in any skewed version of the word? After the said 19 women continued their statement, I usually asked something like, "Did he know you were just being nice?" to which the response was always "no." And now we come to the heart of it: after that I asked each of those 19 women if they noticed anything different about their pity date and the dates they usually go on wherein they wanted to be with the guy. Results?
2 Couldn't remember the date at all (drunk)
2 Couldn't recall any differences
1 Never saw the guy again, because he figured it out halfway in
14 Enjoyed themselves more than they typically do
=19 Total
I suppose it's worth mentioning, too, that of those 14, five actually ended up marrying the guy whom they didn't believe would be worth their time. That being said, ladies, I know it's not the most fun in the world just waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep you off your feet, but you need to understand that loads of nice guys are alive and well out there, and - speaking from personal experience here - a good chunk of them are terrified to ask you out, because we know you don't think we're worth your time. All I'm saying is that wait might not be so long and difficult if you get out of your own way first. Try something new.
That being said, LOOK AT MY GARDEN!!
Here's the close-up.ish view.
Here's the plot. As of 11:00pm tonight, I lost count at 112 different shoots!
Left: This is one of at least 3 hibiscus I'm nurturing back to health after being nearly destroyed.
Right: A beautiful aloe plant that was butchered by the landlord. I'm also working on nurturing it back to health.
This was a big surprise for me today. I woke up and as per the norm, I headed outside first-thing to water all my lovely plants and plant locations, and I found that ALL my morning glory sprouted 3" above ground overnight! Everything grows so effing quickly down here!
Yeah, I've definitely geeked out where my garden is concerned. I don't think I've gone a full 24 hours without planting something new! I've officially added rambutan, lemons, blood oranges, asian pears, jalapenos, habaneros, and star apples to the repertoire, and I can't wait for them to grow! I tell ya what... in three years or so, I'll never have to go grocery shopping again! (Oh, I also have plans to plant spinach and arugula, and I'm debating whether or not I should plant a cocoa tree... what do you think?)
This week's challenge: Hold a conversation (at least ten minutes long) with someone you wouldn't normally have talked to otherwise. Feel free to talk about anything you want, but you have to learn that person's name and be able to tell me where they're from (interpretation of "where they're from" is up to you). After the conversation, tell us about it and what you learned in a comment on this episode.
Well I think that's going to do it for this episode.
Next week on ...Still Got It: Video blog for sure... vlog? What a stupid word. There are cool word hybrids and lame word hybrids: Vlog is a lame word hybrid. I only have one day off this week, so it may be short and pointless, but it'll be video for sure!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Dis place lazy, brah... make tings hard.
I'm continually impressed by how beautiful this place is.
Yes, I know you're tired of hearing it. I don't talk about much else, but think about it: if you were living your dream, what would you talk about?
The last couple of nights the skies have been crystalline, and the stars have shown through like I don't even know how to describe. So many times on my short bike-rides home from work I've wished for a camera powerful enough to capture the luminous.ness of the clear night sky here, but alas... I have only my trusty point-and-shoot (which I care for very very much, thank you, so don't go getting any funny ideas you homewrecking sluts!). *Ahem.*
So to begin this, episode number four, last week I challenged you to take a picture of the place in which you live and send it to me. The picture was a way of encouraging you to find the beauty in your home regardless of whether or not you like it there, because as great as Maui (and Hawaii in general) is, every location on this planet carries with it some sort of aesthetic or sentimental beauty. Since I talk about Hawaii all the time, I figured I'd give you guys the chance to prove your own case.
This week's winner: yup, my mom. This was her submission.
Yes, I know you're tired of hearing it. I don't talk about much else, but think about it: if you were living your dream, what would you talk about?
The last couple of nights the skies have been crystalline, and the stars have shown through like I don't even know how to describe. So many times on my short bike-rides home from work I've wished for a camera powerful enough to capture the luminous.ness of the clear night sky here, but alas... I have only my trusty point-and-shoot (which I care for very very much, thank you, so don't go getting any funny ideas you homewrecking sluts!). *Ahem.*
So to begin this, episode number four, last week I challenged you to take a picture of the place in which you live and send it to me. The picture was a way of encouraging you to find the beauty in your home regardless of whether or not you like it there, because as great as Maui (and Hawaii in general) is, every location on this planet carries with it some sort of aesthetic or sentimental beauty. Since I talk about Hawaii all the time, I figured I'd give you guys the chance to prove your own case.
This week's winner: yup, my mom. This was her submission.
Now this announcement may come as a bit of a shock to some of you - especially those of you who know me well. Ask anyone and they'll tell you: I hate Iowa. My mom took a picture of Iowa, though, and it just so happened to be the winner, and here's why: First off, check out the picture's composition. Though fuzzy (which will be attributed to my mom's unsteady hand and even less steady phone), it's very well balanced, and she was onto a great idea framing the city-scape with the bridge's contours. On top of that, the lighting in the picture really make it evident that you're looking at a bridge suspended over water with the Des Moines skyline in the back.
Unfortunately my mother provided no summary as to what she finds beautiful of this particular part of Des Moines, and being the sort of person who physically cannot stand the sight of Iowa, I'm not about to put words in her mouth, but again, comparing picture to picture, I think this one was best. If you see her or talk to her, make sure you give my momma a high-five for being the first ever weekly challenge winner on ...Still Got It.
Onward to challenge #2- This week it is your job as a collective of followers to find my blog seven more followers. This will put the total to 15. Do this, and next week's post will be all video. I'll record my route to the store where I work, I'll take you to the beach, or I'll clean between my toes. It's pretty much your call what I do (*hint* leave what you want me to do in a comment *hint*), but it's 15 followers or nothing. Go team go!
Let's move on to the poll, shall we?
Last week the question I presented was "Which is more attractive?" Only three answers? Come on guys. Where's the love? Where's the support? Where's the one second it would've taken you to click a mouse? Disappointing. Anyway, 2 out of 3 said they'd go for the person with nothing but confidence while only 1 out of 3 said they'd go for the person with everything but confidence. I side with the one out of three, and that's all I'm going to say about that.
Ps. Answer this week's poll, and maybe next week I'll elaborate some more. (:
At last we have come to the crux of this week's episode. Getting married is something I'd like to do in the future. I'm not going to say I'm holding out for 37 years old, but I'm not going to say I'm not. I am saying, though, that moving to Maui may only have made being single that much easier for me, because I tell you what, brah... people here are lazy, and because so many of them are so lazy, so many of them are so far beyond unattractive that I'm somewhat dumbfounded that the Hawaiian culture is still alive. Honestly. I'm not even being mean here. These are all things I was told by locals who live on the island still. And to make matters worse, the vast majority of the attractive girls here are married, spoken for, or on vacation. What should I do about that? I'm kind of at a loss.
I'm not in any hurry or anything, so don't take it that way, but then again, I'm coming up on 27 here, ya know? Gotta find someone sometime here, or let's face it: it just might not happen. Man... no wife. No kids. No sex for Samuel ever?! I should look up how old the oldest living virgin is. Maybe not. o_o What if his name is Samuel, too?! That'd be creepy...
I should stop talking.
I need to eat something.
Oh hey! Speaking of eating: I planted my garden! I'ma try my hand at a polyculture gardening method. Long story short: polyculture gardening is a method that mimics plant growth in the wild. Plants of various heights, types, and flowering times are all planted together in such a way that each species benefits at least one other species in the same garden. It's very complex but very interesting. Look it up if you want! In the meantime, here are some pictures of my backyard plot - expect to see updated pictures in the future.
So yup. This is the lower half of my backyard. To the right is the upper half where my plot is.
And yes, that's a mango tree on the right. Three weeks and we'll have all the mangoes we could ever need!
Here's the plot. It's roughly 6' x 4' and it's right up against the back property line.
If all goes well, this plot will be growing corn, carrots, tomatoes, peppers (bell and spicy), yellow onions, green onions, basil, cilantro, oregano, parsley, sunflowers... and there's more, but I can't think of what.
Yes indeed. My own corner of the world.
Hahaha hopefully something other than weeds grow in back there!
I'll keep ya posted. Believe it!
Next time on ...Still Got It: Well I guess what's on ...Still Got It next week is up to you guys, yeah? 15 followers - don't forget. Fifteen followers by Wednesday and I may throw in a fun little bonus for the original ten, too. That means that you, mom, and you, Vance, had better get to publicly following.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Destination: Maui - Short and Sweet!
It would seem as if the majority of my posts are now started with an apology.
I'll have to fix that soon.
To start this one, I apologize to all of you who tuned in last weekend to find nothing new or interesting to read. My excuses are plenty, and those excuses are legit, too, but I apologize regardless. I, for one, know what it's like to be excited about something and then to be there at the scheduled time to find an utter nothingness.
I also want to send out an apology for this post. It's nothing like what I'd hoped for it. The weather's not been amazing lately (welcome to rainy season), and with so much focus going toward reestablishing myself as a human being in this new world of mine, The pictures I have to share with you are... er... lackluster.
That being said, here goes nothing! Just flip through the pictures and grab the captions; it's really the only way to go.
Austin Int'l Airport - poorly designed parking, and doesn't open until 4am.
6 out of 10 stars.
I literally ran through Houston, so no pictures there.
Not a big loss by my estimate. 5 out of 10 stars.
More or less my home for the day.
I did happen upon, though, an epiphany:
Heaven and Hell truly do exist: Heaven is paradise, or in my case, Maui, and Hell is the line you have to wait in to get on the effing plane which takes you there.
Denver Int'l Airport - easily one of my favorites. Well laid out, well lit, mechanized walkways throughout.
7 out of 10 stars.
The only thing other than a 5-day-old cup of fruit which I, a vegan, could find to eat.
Liquid Jolly Ranchers complete with the sugar content.
Jamba Juice - 3 out of 10 stars.
SUPER.cramped plane.
This was the most legroom I had the entire trip.
Even better was the flight attendant who asked me to pull my legs in from the aisle because people needed to walk by without being tripped (something which happened only to her).
Took me a second to figure out why I took this picture.
Then I remembered: the screens they showed the in-flight movies on were each different colors.
There were five in our cabin area and another 8 up toward the front of the plane.
These two shots are from Kihei, the city on the southern bay of Maui.
LOOKIT!
The curvature of the earth!
In the southern distance is the island Kahoolawe.
Pictured below as well.
A couple guys were fishing on the beach.
I tried talking to them, but they weren't interested in conversation.
I left. Bad vibes.
Who can NOT take a picture of Hawaiian palms?
All flowers from my walk.
These were only a few varieties of the hundreds of different flowers that lined my beach.walk path.
Truth be told, I forgot how much I love Hawaii.
For some of you this may be difficult to accept. It goes without saying that the people I worked with in Austin were no-doubt glad to see me go, just because they were sick and tired of hearing me talk about the place! Feel free to back me up on that, Becca!
I stepped off the plane, and the first thing I noticed was that I didn't feel like I'd stepped back inside. Hawaiian airports are "outside" in that the buildings aren't enclosed. At once I felt a rush of warm, ocean-scented air fall over me, I could smell flowers and tropical fruits everywhere, and instead of a bunch of people grumpy for sitting on a plane for 7-8 hours before, I heard nothing but "oos" and "ahs" from everyone arriving on the island for the first time. Birds flew around between the canopy rafters, sun streaked through the ceiling gaps, and at once everything felt right with the world.
I love this place.
Even though it's different from Oahu and this is actually my first time spending any real amount of time in Maui, I'm so glad it was in the cards for me. City life is not my best friend. Austin was nice in that it was different from Iowa, and I desperately needed different from Iowa. But Maui's what I was looking for, and I can't wait to show you guys why.
After a day, it started raining, which apparently isn't that frequent where I was staying at the time. I couldn't help but think, "It's raining, and that's okay; this is the islands way of cleansing me from the garbage I dealt with before I arrived." Sounds cheesy, I suppose, but that's what I kept thinking over and over again. This place is special, and I feel like I'm only just now beginning to see the whys and hows.
I've got my place all situated now, the bamboo's on order (yes, I use bamboo for making many things - you'll see), and we'll be off to a running start in no time.
Feels a bit like I'm rambling now, so I'll make this my almost.ending. Remember how a couple weeks back I mentioned that I'd be introducing the newest part of my blog? Yup. This week, my faithful followers, I challenge you to take a picture of wherever you live. This picture should capture some kind of beauty inherent in the place you live. Once said picture is taken, email it to me at jacksdemise@gmail.com and if chosen, I'll post it in next week's blog along with a blurb from the winner regarding the things you appreciate most about where you live.
And I'm done.
Oh! Duh... commenting sparks: I want to hear some challenges from you folks. Since I'm way out in Maui, what do you think I should do which I might not have done otherwise? Dare me to do something fun... except for you, Joy. You don't get to play. I already know you want me to dive with the whales and dolphins, but it's not happening. Silly fragile human.
Next time on ...Still Got It: The Hawaiian people and the challenge from Gramma. I'll go into detail about the people who live on and come from the islands and why that will help me to keep on the straight and narrow. Becca, you have no idea how easy this is going to be. Just sayin.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
If I Only Had a Dream...wait. This is HUGE!
Last time on ...Still Got It...
Ha! Yeah right.
I may be the only one in this boat, but I hate it when TV shows do that. Who honestly wants to sit there for anywhere from 5-15 minutes just to see all the highlights from past episodes which they've already seen? Even if someone's coming into the show fresh, those recaps are wretched wastes of time, because they just end up spoiling what are otherwise amazing moments from episodes past!
Well no sir, not here. No stupid nonsensical blurbs about what you missed! If you want to know what you've missed, then damn it! Just go back and read it for yourself. You'll be glad you did!
Now before we get this puppy off to its long-awaited start, an apology. Becca brought to my attention that whilst reading episode one to [the apparently illiterate] Vance, he adamantly denied that he was cynical of my proposed virginity in any way. Vance, I believe what I meant to say was "skeptical," but as I think about it, you were completely bought into my claim from the start, and I appreciate it. So that being said, Vance, I apologize for implying that you were cynical or the revised skeptic, and I hope not only that you will forgive me, but also that you will take the time to read this and future episodes yourself instead of forcing your dear, sweet Rebecca to do it for you. Come man... this isn't the 60s anymore!
Alright. and we're off!
When I first brought to light the fact of my virginity, I'm sure many questions came to mind not the least of which was, "Well would you consider dating a non-virgin?" If that question didn't come to mind, though, I can't say that I blame you. After all, we virgins are such a rare breed that it almost has to be assumed that meeting others like me is near to impossible. In a word: true. And that should answer your question.
Not long ago (in fact, almost a year ago to the day), my answer would have been different, but back then I was still following the Christian way and hoping - even praying - for that one special girl who was 1) Christian, 2) attractive (even if just to me), 3) not a complete stick-in-the-mud, and 4) a virgin. I really didn't believe that to be a completely ridiculous list of requests, but as time went on I learned that my list of requirements was entirely too long based solely on #4. Christian and attractive: not difficult at all. Christian, attractive, and "not-stick-in-mud:" okay, you cut your numbers by around 50%, but still doable. Christian, attractive, and virgin, though (forget about sticks in mud), and you're looking at roughly one girl per American state (and chances are she's already engaged or at least spoken for).
Some of you may disagree with these statistics, but bear in mind that these aren't really statistics at all. I'm making it all up based on my personal experience and taste in the lady-folk. I'm sure more of you exist out there than I know about [and I would encourage you to leave your name and phone number in the comment section of this post], but for now I'm just going to continue with my post.
I tried the holy road, and it proved to be incredibly dull, so no, virginity is not a requirement of mine any longer. Furthermore, I believe wholeheartedly that were I to confine my search based on that requirement, there's a solid chance that I'd never find the girl I'm hoping for, and to that I say "boo!" Now if the girl I'm meant to love for life turns out to be a virgin, as well, mark my words I will run barefoot around the entire island of Maui for sheer elation, but if she's not, I will still do the same just because love transcends all the garbage.
"So then, Samuel, if she doesn't have to be a virgin, what exactly are you looking for?" The simplest list is comprised of two non-negotiables: 1) attractive [again, even if it's just to me] and 2) honest. You'd be surprised how difficult it is just to find those two items in one person, but that's it. And when I say 'attractive' please understand that I am by no means looking for a supermodel or society's accepted version of physical beauty, but I do need to be attracted to the woman to be my future wife. After all, no fiber in my being wants sex to be some kind of painful chore, and I don't think she'd want that either. Honesty is a bit more difficult, too, but it simply means that when she says something, her actions demonstrate her words regardless of whether or not someone's watching. Integrity is honesty in action if you ask me, and an honest person will speak the truth even if it hurts, because they love you and don't want to hurt you. Think about it...
One last thing, and this goes out to several people I know just as much as all the strangers out there who I hope to meet someday: as I talk about my virginity, I hope you're not getting the impression that I'm somehow better than everyone else. That's not what I'm saying at all, and I say this realizing full-well that many people don't consider themselves virgins anymore, because it was "stolen" or taken by force. Forgive me for being blunt here, but fuck that. Virginity is yours and yours alone, and it's so much more than "the first time," and you all need to know that. It's your choice who you give your virginity to; it's not something that's lost or taken. It's a connection that you establish with another person, and that connection lasts a lifetime regardless of how great or awful or mind-blowing or awkward the sex part of it was.
And I'm done preaching.
So yeah.
That's it guys.
That's all I'm looking for.
Probably doesn't seem like much, but that's really all there is to it.
So if you see that honest, dark-haired, bright-eyed, unequivocally charming, well-proportioned, spontaneous, romantic while not completely sappy, loyal, intelligent, fun-loving, SINGLE girl out there, point her in my direction!
Kidding... but seriously, if you see her...
Next Week on ..Still Got It: MAUI! Need I say more? Plus, I'll introduce the newest part of my blog wherein I challenge you, my faithful followers, on a weekly basis to some crazy task. Rewards will follow...
Episode 1 Poll Results:
2 Votes - True Love Mentality
1 Vote- The Unknown Factor
3 Votes - Other
In comments, let's hear what everyone guesses "The Unknown Factor" is! OnetwothreeGO!
Ha! Yeah right.
I may be the only one in this boat, but I hate it when TV shows do that. Who honestly wants to sit there for anywhere from 5-15 minutes just to see all the highlights from past episodes which they've already seen? Even if someone's coming into the show fresh, those recaps are wretched wastes of time, because they just end up spoiling what are otherwise amazing moments from episodes past!
Well no sir, not here. No stupid nonsensical blurbs about what you missed! If you want to know what you've missed, then damn it! Just go back and read it for yourself. You'll be glad you did!
Now before we get this puppy off to its long-awaited start, an apology. Becca brought to my attention that whilst reading episode one to [the apparently illiterate] Vance, he adamantly denied that he was cynical of my proposed virginity in any way. Vance, I believe what I meant to say was "skeptical," but as I think about it, you were completely bought into my claim from the start, and I appreciate it. So that being said, Vance, I apologize for implying that you were cynical or the revised skeptic, and I hope not only that you will forgive me, but also that you will take the time to read this and future episodes yourself instead of forcing your dear, sweet Rebecca to do it for you. Come man... this isn't the 60s anymore!
Alright. and we're off!
When I first brought to light the fact of my virginity, I'm sure many questions came to mind not the least of which was, "Well would you consider dating a non-virgin?" If that question didn't come to mind, though, I can't say that I blame you. After all, we virgins are such a rare breed that it almost has to be assumed that meeting others like me is near to impossible. In a word: true. And that should answer your question.
Not long ago (in fact, almost a year ago to the day), my answer would have been different, but back then I was still following the Christian way and hoping - even praying - for that one special girl who was 1) Christian, 2) attractive (even if just to me), 3) not a complete stick-in-the-mud, and 4) a virgin. I really didn't believe that to be a completely ridiculous list of requests, but as time went on I learned that my list of requirements was entirely too long based solely on #4. Christian and attractive: not difficult at all. Christian, attractive, and "not-stick-in-mud:" okay, you cut your numbers by around 50%, but still doable. Christian, attractive, and virgin, though (forget about sticks in mud), and you're looking at roughly one girl per American state (and chances are she's already engaged or at least spoken for).
Some of you may disagree with these statistics, but bear in mind that these aren't really statistics at all. I'm making it all up based on my personal experience and taste in the lady-folk. I'm sure more of you exist out there than I know about [and I would encourage you to leave your name and phone number in the comment section of this post], but for now I'm just going to continue with my post.
I tried the holy road, and it proved to be incredibly dull, so no, virginity is not a requirement of mine any longer. Furthermore, I believe wholeheartedly that were I to confine my search based on that requirement, there's a solid chance that I'd never find the girl I'm hoping for, and to that I say "boo!" Now if the girl I'm meant to love for life turns out to be a virgin, as well, mark my words I will run barefoot around the entire island of Maui for sheer elation, but if she's not, I will still do the same just because love transcends all the garbage.
"So then, Samuel, if she doesn't have to be a virgin, what exactly are you looking for?" The simplest list is comprised of two non-negotiables: 1) attractive [again, even if it's just to me] and 2) honest. You'd be surprised how difficult it is just to find those two items in one person, but that's it. And when I say 'attractive' please understand that I am by no means looking for a supermodel or society's accepted version of physical beauty, but I do need to be attracted to the woman to be my future wife. After all, no fiber in my being wants sex to be some kind of painful chore, and I don't think she'd want that either. Honesty is a bit more difficult, too, but it simply means that when she says something, her actions demonstrate her words regardless of whether or not someone's watching. Integrity is honesty in action if you ask me, and an honest person will speak the truth even if it hurts, because they love you and don't want to hurt you. Think about it...
One last thing, and this goes out to several people I know just as much as all the strangers out there who I hope to meet someday: as I talk about my virginity, I hope you're not getting the impression that I'm somehow better than everyone else. That's not what I'm saying at all, and I say this realizing full-well that many people don't consider themselves virgins anymore, because it was "stolen" or taken by force. Forgive me for being blunt here, but fuck that. Virginity is yours and yours alone, and it's so much more than "the first time," and you all need to know that. It's your choice who you give your virginity to; it's not something that's lost or taken. It's a connection that you establish with another person, and that connection lasts a lifetime regardless of how great or awful or mind-blowing or awkward the sex part of it was.
And I'm done preaching.
So yeah.
That's it guys.
That's all I'm looking for.
Probably doesn't seem like much, but that's really all there is to it.
So if you see that honest, dark-haired, bright-eyed, unequivocally charming, well-proportioned, spontaneous, romantic while not completely sappy, loyal, intelligent, fun-loving, SINGLE girl out there, point her in my direction!
Kidding... but seriously, if you see her...
Next Week on ..Still Got It: MAUI! Need I say more? Plus, I'll introduce the newest part of my blog wherein I challenge you, my faithful followers, on a weekly basis to some crazy task. Rewards will follow...
Episode 1 Poll Results:
2 Votes - True Love Mentality
1 Vote- The Unknown Factor
3 Votes - Other
In comments, let's hear what everyone guesses "The Unknown Factor" is! OnetwothreeGO!
Monday, February 20, 2012
The Challenge... the first is always longest...
Most of us have seen 40-Year Old Virgin, right? A horribly awkward movie about a man who forgot to grow up, take care of himself, pursue his dreams, and lose his virginity as the result. Funny movie, gross movie, uncomfortable movie, but when you think about it, it's a movie that teaches us three things:
1- If you lose track of your life - both private and social - and the role you play in it, ending up like "Andy" really isn't that difficult.
2- If you are a 40 year old virgin in today's society, it's most likely because you elected that lifestyle, or it's because... how to put this nicely... something else is preventing you from losing it.
3- Let's face it: 40-year-old virgins just don't exist out there these days outside of #1 and #2.
I'm sure I'll get some junk mail from all kinds of people saying, "Yes they do! Here I am!" but then again, if they do exist, maybe it's a good thing that they're bold enough to come right out and say it. Either way, though, that's not my point. This is: about a month ago I went to a party.
I honestly don't remember how we got on the subject, but at said party I was talking with my then co-worker, Becca, and her long-time boyfriend, Vance (HA! Remembered his name!). I think I was telling them about how work had gone that day since that's what co-workers do at a work-funded holiday party, and somehow it came up that I'm still a virgin. "How can you rant and rave about 40-year-old virgins when you are a virgin yourself?" you might be asking yourself. Well for starters, I'm not nearly 40 - I'm 26 - and this is my point: I wager that in today society, 26-year-old virgins are every bit as rare as their 40-year-old counterparts.
Well Becca was already aware of this little fact - a fact which stopped her dead in her tracks, mind you, when she first learned of it - but Vance, on the other hand, was a cornucopia of shock, awe, intrigue, and cynicism. He simply couldn't wrap his head around the idea of it, and honestly it was very flattering.
I'm not bragging here, but here's the breakdown: Vance, Becca, and I determined that I'm not by any means an ugly young man - in fact quite the opposite; I am not socially inept in any form of the word; though strongly opinionated and passionate about those beliefs, said beliefs are not so outlandish that they cannot be easily met; and finally we concluded that our society has de-evolved to the point where if I walked around on the side of the road with a sign draped over my shoulders saying, 'I am a virgin,' a wandering limo filled with drunk co-eds would no-doubt stop within an hour to de-flower me simply because virginity is a highly-prized possession (whether it's more highly prized by the virgin or the one de-flowerer is a debate we couldn't agree upon).
The truth of the matter is I'm a virgin by choice. It used to be a religious thing - I won't lie to you - but I've long-since given up on religious zealotry, and now I just believe that so few things are personal and intimate between a man and his wife. If you're going to share one thing with your spouse that belongs solely to you and her, why wouldn't you want that to be sex? So yes, I am waiting until marriage, and yes, that means she must have a ring on her finger, and "I do" must have been said in front of witnesses. Just wanted to clarify.
And now that you've diligently sat through - nay, endured - the back story, we come to the purpose of this blog: THE CHALLENGE. Austin, TX is a beautiful city filled to the brim with beautiful women both young and old. Who could argue that point? I've recently accepted a position in an even more beautiful area, though. Some (myself included) might call it the most beautiful place on earth. That's right, I'm moving to Maui. As in Hawaii. As in the favorite vacation spot for most of the world's beach-bound bunnies and bastards. No one says, "I'm going to Hawaii," and doesn't hear from almost everyone, "I'm jealous." I heard it close to 40 times yesterday alone.
But I digress. Being the beautiful place it is, and being that this beautiful place is overflowing with beautiful women both young and old, Becca didn't seem to think I and my unwavering resolve would last a day let alone a week, and back at the work party, Vance encouraged me to start a blog chronicling my daring adventures in the virgin realm. Thus a blog with purpose was born. Aww...
So from this point on, I will do exactly that: I will chronicle my many adventures in the Hawaiian paradise. I will have stories to tell, pictures to post, God help me I will have video to stream, and since Hawaii is where I plan to be for a very long time, hopefully I will find that amazing woman who will live up to those not-so-high standards, and maybe she'll have a few things to say herself! Guess we'll see.
But my dearest Becca and oh-so-adorable Vance, I have but one thing to say to you both, and I believe Barney Stinson said it best: Challenge Accepted.
In Next Week's Episode: I'll detail those seemingly impossible high standards I have in my future spouse, and then I'll flush them all down the drain.
1- If you lose track of your life - both private and social - and the role you play in it, ending up like "Andy" really isn't that difficult.
2- If you are a 40 year old virgin in today's society, it's most likely because you elected that lifestyle, or it's because... how to put this nicely... something else is preventing you from losing it.
3- Let's face it: 40-year-old virgins just don't exist out there these days outside of #1 and #2.
I'm sure I'll get some junk mail from all kinds of people saying, "Yes they do! Here I am!" but then again, if they do exist, maybe it's a good thing that they're bold enough to come right out and say it. Either way, though, that's not my point. This is: about a month ago I went to a party.
I honestly don't remember how we got on the subject, but at said party I was talking with my then co-worker, Becca, and her long-time boyfriend, Vance (HA! Remembered his name!). I think I was telling them about how work had gone that day since that's what co-workers do at a work-funded holiday party, and somehow it came up that I'm still a virgin. "How can you rant and rave about 40-year-old virgins when you are a virgin yourself?" you might be asking yourself. Well for starters, I'm not nearly 40 - I'm 26 - and this is my point: I wager that in today society, 26-year-old virgins are every bit as rare as their 40-year-old counterparts.
Well Becca was already aware of this little fact - a fact which stopped her dead in her tracks, mind you, when she first learned of it - but Vance, on the other hand, was a cornucopia of shock, awe, intrigue, and cynicism. He simply couldn't wrap his head around the idea of it, and honestly it was very flattering.
I'm not bragging here, but here's the breakdown: Vance, Becca, and I determined that I'm not by any means an ugly young man - in fact quite the opposite; I am not socially inept in any form of the word; though strongly opinionated and passionate about those beliefs, said beliefs are not so outlandish that they cannot be easily met; and finally we concluded that our society has de-evolved to the point where if I walked around on the side of the road with a sign draped over my shoulders saying, 'I am a virgin,' a wandering limo filled with drunk co-eds would no-doubt stop within an hour to de-flower me simply because virginity is a highly-prized possession (whether it's more highly prized by the virgin or the one de-flowerer is a debate we couldn't agree upon).
The truth of the matter is I'm a virgin by choice. It used to be a religious thing - I won't lie to you - but I've long-since given up on religious zealotry, and now I just believe that so few things are personal and intimate between a man and his wife. If you're going to share one thing with your spouse that belongs solely to you and her, why wouldn't you want that to be sex? So yes, I am waiting until marriage, and yes, that means she must have a ring on her finger, and "I do" must have been said in front of witnesses. Just wanted to clarify.
And now that you've diligently sat through - nay, endured - the back story, we come to the purpose of this blog: THE CHALLENGE. Austin, TX is a beautiful city filled to the brim with beautiful women both young and old. Who could argue that point? I've recently accepted a position in an even more beautiful area, though. Some (myself included) might call it the most beautiful place on earth. That's right, I'm moving to Maui. As in Hawaii. As in the favorite vacation spot for most of the world's beach-bound bunnies and bastards. No one says, "I'm going to Hawaii," and doesn't hear from almost everyone, "I'm jealous." I heard it close to 40 times yesterday alone.
But I digress. Being the beautiful place it is, and being that this beautiful place is overflowing with beautiful women both young and old, Becca didn't seem to think I and my unwavering resolve would last a day let alone a week, and back at the work party, Vance encouraged me to start a blog chronicling my daring adventures in the virgin realm. Thus a blog with purpose was born. Aww...
So from this point on, I will do exactly that: I will chronicle my many adventures in the Hawaiian paradise. I will have stories to tell, pictures to post, God help me I will have video to stream, and since Hawaii is where I plan to be for a very long time, hopefully I will find that amazing woman who will live up to those not-so-high standards, and maybe she'll have a few things to say herself! Guess we'll see.
But my dearest Becca and oh-so-adorable Vance, I have but one thing to say to you both, and I believe Barney Stinson said it best: Challenge Accepted.
In Next Week's Episode: I'll detail those seemingly impossible high standards I have in my future spouse, and then I'll flush them all down the drain.
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